Today unexpectedly lead me here. To have a conversation with the man who ran this book store. As I rummaged the photography section, the owner struck up a conversation from behind a giant stack of books. All I could see was his head peeking up every now and then. We talked street photography. He said I’d be stupid if I didn’t keep working and try to make a photography book of my own. Ok universe. I’m listening. (at Bookman’s Corner)
The Best Gift I Ever Got and How to Change the World.
Last summer I turned 30. For my birthday, I received the best gift I could have asked for.
It seems I am now in the stage of life where all of my friends are either wanting to get pregnant, are pregnant or already have a brood to call their own. I thought this would be a fitting blog for all my friends as they embark on motherhood.
Back to the best gift.
My mother had told me when I was younger that she wrote me letters when I was a baby. She said she would give them to me some day. So it was no surprise to me, when on my 30th birthday I opened my gift and there was a bound book full of letters. The first thing I did was burst into tears. I knew exactly what it was.
She had written me a letter from when I was 8 weeks all the way till I was five. There are 70 letters total. The back of the book contains a family tree with descriptions of who my family is.
There is even a letter that my five year old self wrote to my future self. It is a smiley face picture. It says ” I love you.”
As you can imagine, this book is now my most prized possession for many reasons.
1. It chronicles a part of my life I can’t remember.
2. Helps me understand where I come from and see myself in a new way. I better understand pieces of my own development and can see what influenced my beginnings.
3. Overwhelms me with love and compassion.
I can only read one letter at a time. It is taking me a long time to work through the book. Since every letter has so many new details, implications and meaning. It is a lot to digest. I have only read 10 letters since I got them.
I learned that if I were a boy my name would have been Jeremy John. They would have called me J.J. for short.
I learned that my dad wanted to teach me karate, even if I was a girl…but only if I wanted to. I never learned karate…
Most of all I learned about my young parents and their journey. Working multiple jobs, learning to balance family time and work life, enjoying the thrill and challenges of a new chapter. It has been the perfect thing to read right now. I don’t think this would have meant as much to me if I had gotten it earlier in life. I think I am old enough now to understand its true value.
New mom’s out there, I can not tell you what this will mean for your children. It now makes even more sense why I do what I do. I had parents that valued time.
Even deeper then that, I think about all the upset in our world. I know that violence, war, climate change, {insert scary current events} is not a new thing. Some days I feel so overwhelmed and helpless that I just want to scream. I believe that the best way to combat the upset in our world is to do the best that we can with what is in front of us.
I don’t think anyone can be a perfect parent. The best we can hope for is to improve upon what we learned from ours. I don’t think my mother fully understood why she was compelled to write what she did. Fear I think played a big role. Fear of being a first time mother, fear of not being around in the future. Not only was she healing and working out the pain of her past through becoming a mother but as I opened the book today, I thought: “This was how she changed the world.”
As I mature as a woman, I have found myself in a place where I feel more upset at the state of the world. Angry and scared. School closings upset me, violence in my city enrages me, the zombies on the bus every morning that avoid eye contact drive me nuts. The hunger I feel to connect with others is greater then ever, yet the world I live in seems more disconnected every day. Just reading the words, I love you gives me the courage to charge ahead.
Imagine how many more things in our world could be solved if everyone had something to remind them how loved they are. To remind them how precious they were to come into the world. How much they meant to others.
Imagine how many lives might be different if we all understood how important we are. If we felt fully the love that is available to us each day. Imagine the positive impact a letter can have in the darkest times of your life.
That is how these letters change the world.
So today I put this out in the blogosphere. From the baby that my mother wrote to so many years ago. She did not know what I would grow up to be. She could not have known how amazing the simple act of writing a letter could really change the world.
I hope to inspire new mothers and fathers. Write to your children. It matters. Put it on paper. Tell them how much they mean to you. Write about your fears, write about yourself. Write! It doesn’t matter how old they are, it doesn’t have to be perfect.
Someday that baby will grow up. Someday they will hold those letters in their hand and understand why this was so important. Someday they may decide to have children of their own and will pass on the tradition.
It matters. Do it and spread the word. Help my mother change the world.
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